The following is the script, 4th draft, to CITIZEN COBRA. This is the first scene. There are notes at the end, including any major changes I had made from the first two drafts, which featured drastically different scenes. Stage Directions and other scene set ups are in italics. I have highlighted anything I took out from the fourth draft for the blog due to any copyrights I might have to worry about, though remember: this is based on the cartoon. I apologize for typos and homonyms. First scene below the jump:
I'll start with the character list for this scene:
ZARTAN - Cobra's master of disguise, spy
DUKE - leader of the GI Joe squad
SCARLETT - GI Joe intelligence, Duke's girlfriend
LADY JAYE - covert intelligence
ROAD BLOCK - machine gun expert
SNOW JOB - GI Joe arctic trooper
SHIPWRECK - GI Joe Navy member
SNAKE EYES - JOE awesome at everything member, except speaking
MICHELLE MALKIN - NBC news reporter
Scene
1
Lights up. It’s a sparse set with an
American flag corner stage right, a lamp (with removable lampshade) on upstage
left. This is GI Joe HQ. The GI Joe Theme plays. It’s the cartoon movie theme,
the one that starts off with “cooobra.” But instead it’s a karaoke version if we
can make one. ZARTAN enters. He’s carrying a sombrero, and after looking
around, by the time he reaches center stage, he speaks into his wristwatch.
ZARTAN
Zartan here. I’m in position to
infiltrate…G.I. Joe. “Operation: Infiltrate G.I. Joe” begins now!
DUKE / SCARLETT / LADY JAYE / SNOW
JOB / SHIPWRECK / ROADBLOCK
(off
stage) Yo joe!
ZARTAN
Here they come now!
Zartan covers himself with the
lampshade and stands next to the lamp. DUKE, SCARLETT, LADY JAYE, SNOW JOB,
SHIPWRECK, ROADBLOCK, and SNAKE EYES all run in. Anyway, that opening part will
give the Joes some time to run around the stage in a circle, and then fake
fight and hi-five each other before they sing…
DUKE/SNOWJOB/SCARLET/LADY JAYE/SHIPWRECK/ROADBLOCK/SNAKE EYES enter while singing (except Snake eyes) to the intro theme song from the animated GI Joe movie. The men will sing "GI Joeee" and then the ladies "a real american hero" and then the characters alternate lines from the song.
the next verse is another pro-Cobra,
at least from the movie version. It’s approximately 38 seconds, so hopefully
that’s enough time as everyone lines up with Duke downstage left, followed Lady
Jaye, Scarlett, Snow-Job, Roadblock, Shipwreck, Snake Eyes. Zartan removes his
lampshade and puts on a sombrero.
DUKE
Joes, sound off!
LADY JAYE
Right on, Duke! I’m Lady Jaye, Covert
Operations!
SCARLETT
I’m Scarlett! Counter-intelligence.
SNOW-JOB
Snow-Job! (everyone laughs) What? What’s so funny? I’m the arctic trooper.
Stop laughing at my name.
ROADBLOCK
Roadblock is my nom de plume, and I’m
capable of machine gunnin’ everyone in this room!
SHIPWRECK
I’m Shipwreck, official military
grade ladies-man…and seaman. Ladies.
And next to me is Snake Eyes, and…uh, I don’t know this other guy.
And next to me is Snake Eyes, and…uh, I don’t know this other guy.
ZARTAN
Uh…I’m…
DUKE
Obviously new. We have lots of Joes
comin’ and going, usually
at the beginning of every new adventure. How’s it going, new Guy?
at the beginning of every new adventure. How’s it going, new Guy?
The cast moves around the stage some
more, with Zartan getting lost among them all, not sure what to do. They resume
singing.
More singing of the theme song.
Shipwreck, Lady Jaye, Scarlett,
Snowjob & Snake Eyes line up downstage. The remaining cast upstage.
SHIPWRECK
GI Joe is codename for America’s
daring, highly trained special mission force.
LADY JAYE
Its purpose?
SCARLETT
To defend human freedom from COBRA!
SNOWJOB
A ruthless terrorist organization.
SNAKE EYES
(doesn’t say anything, just takes center stage and mimes that he’s
finishing the last line.)
The entire cast resumes the chorus,
all engaged in choreography again, with Zartan still confused.
EVERYONE (except Zartan)
GI JOOEEEEE!
The music ends, and the Joes:
EVERYONE (except Zartan)
Yo Joe!
The Joes are lined up, on one knee,
smiling at the audience as if they just finished closing night on a broadway
musical.
ZARTAN
Joooooe!
DUKE
Good job, everyone. At ease.
Everyone but Duke relaxes and
hi-fives and then gives him their full attention again. Duke pulls out a folder
and holds it up.
DUKE
Okay Joes, got some word for our
status in the war against evil!
LADY JAYE
Is it the Pyramid of Darkness?
SHIPWRECK
The Weather Dominator?
ZARTAN
I don’t suppose you all plan on
taking simultaneous vacations,
perhaps to a suspicious new amusement park that may or may not be filled with booby traps?
perhaps to a suspicious new amusement park that may or may not be filled with booby traps?
DUKE
(laughs)
Oh, New Guy. (sighs) All the
adventures and camaraderie we’ve had together.
(playfully punches Zartan on the arm) Anyway, no. Joes, we’re being…disbanded.
(playfully punches Zartan on the arm) Anyway, no. Joes, we’re being…disbanded.
SCARLETT
Honey… we’re being let go? The
military is firing…us?
ROADBLOCK
Where will we go…when there’s no more
Joe?
LADY JAYE
Oh, can you just drop the rhyming
bullshit? Seriously, this is not the time!
ROADBLOCK
Hey back off, Lady Jaye! You have no
control over what I say!
LADY JAYE
This is what I mean, everyone! I
can’t even have a normal conversation with this guy!
SNOW JOB
Can you guys stop fighting? Always
with the fighting!
SCARLET
Everyone, can it! This is serious! Duke, what’s going on?
DUKE
Well, I’m sorry gang, but the General
Accounting Office put their foot down
on the Department of Defense and told them to cut the waste.
on the Department of Defense and told them to cut the waste.
SCARLETT
But…Duke? Sweetie? Are you saying that…we’re
the waste?
DUKE
The “president,” a man whose birth
certificate I’D like to see up close, wasn’t too impressed that,
after 20 years, we still haven’t been able to get Cobra.
after 20 years, we still haven’t been able to get Cobra.
ZARTAN
Curse their handsome hides!
ROADBLOCK
He gets Bin Laden, while Cobra is
still plottin’.
DUKE
Truer words couldn’t be spoken,
Roadblock. I guess our efforts over the years didn’t get them
the results a couple dozen SEALS did on their own.
the results a couple dozen SEALS did on their own.
SHIPWRECK
Ugh, Seal Team Six? Those guys don’t
even have cool outfits like we do!
DUKE
I know, Shipwreck. Anyway. Clean out
your lockers.
ZARTAN
What? No more GI Joe?
Duke walks over to Zartan and puts
his arm around him.
DUKE
It seems so, New Guy. Just try to
think of all the great adventures you and I had together over the years.
If anyone wants to talk, I’ll be in my office, packing up my things. I know this is upsetting.
If you want to stick around, they’ve got some re-assignment orders. But it’s embassy guard duty…
If anyone wants to talk, I’ll be in my office, packing up my things. I know this is upsetting.
If you want to stick around, they’ve got some re-assignment orders. But it’s embassy guard duty…
EVERYONE BUT ZARTAN & DUKE groans
and filters out stage left. Duke pats Zartan on the back and shakes his head,
and on his way out, salutes the flag.
ZARTAN
The Joes? Decommissioned? Is it true?
This is fantastic news! Or…is it!
Lights out. A Video starts!
Projected!
ANNOUNCER
You’re watching NBC, your source of
biased news. Here’s your reluctant host, Michelle Malkin.
MICHELLE MALKIN
Good evening. I’m standing here in
front of St. Edwardo Grade School in Suburbia, America,
where 3rd grader Susie Thomkins died after ingesting various pills her parents had left out.
Usually, in events like this, a member of a special military force would be on hand to prevent curious
children from ingesting medication not prescribed to them. But this is just the latest in a string of many
accidental deaths that could have been prevented by members of the military patrolling these streets
and imparting safety tips to at-risk pre-teens in neighborhoods like this all across the country.
I’m Michelle Malkin for NBC liberal news.
where 3rd grader Susie Thomkins died after ingesting various pills her parents had left out.
Usually, in events like this, a member of a special military force would be on hand to prevent curious
children from ingesting medication not prescribed to them. But this is just the latest in a string of many
accidental deaths that could have been prevented by members of the military patrolling these streets
and imparting safety tips to at-risk pre-teens in neighborhoods like this all across the country.
I’m Michelle Malkin for NBC liberal news.
Video out.
================================
This is mostly intact from the original draft, except there was more singing. I write a LOT of dialogue, and a good chunk of this script, in small font, were the lyrics, with each line of the song sung by a separate cast member.
I took out FLINT. There's a lot of characters on the stage. He was to show up in a later scene, but during the live reading I realized that there's a whopping SIX women in the GI Joe world (with action figures), and only four from this show in the script. So I cut down some of the dialogue by getting rid of him, and give Lady Jaye more to do later on.
I added Michelle Malkin as a newscaster. My friend Chris Basil came up with the idea of having a newscast regarding kids killed in freak accidents at home because no one was around to warn them about Half The Battle. What I wrote from Malkin's end? Too wordy, and was going to cut it down.
But having the video (projected, which the theater did many times) there would give the cast a chance to change clothes. If you can't tell, GI Joe is now no longer an entity, and most of the characters won't appear again. Since there's a lot of characters, we risk having a large cast, and so as to not have such a large cast, many will have to have multiple roles. If the video of Michelle Malkin standing in front of a suburban grade school is long enough, that should give most of the cast time to switch to their Cobra costumes and set up the minimalist set for scene 2.
A marine, Andrew Sichling, informed me of some of the proper jargon and the chain of command and procedure. Much of this, incorporated, was removed for space. Sorry Andrew, but thank you.
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