CITIZEN COBRA - Scene 13

The finale. Thanks for sticking around.



I'm not going to list the characters. You can figure it out by now.

SCENE 13

We’re in a cabin. There’s snow in the windows. We’re somewhere way up north. Or cold. ZARTAN is center stage-ish, wearing a parka, and wearing Cobra Commander’s helmet. He’s talking to SNOW JOB. Lights up.

SNOW JOB

So, I put up a lot of these flyers for the Mongooses at the gun store, and the corner bars, and the churches.

ZARTAN

Great job, Snow Job. Did you, uh, mention that we’ll have cool Mongoose uniforms? Tell them to go to that 
supply store and talk to Gus. Tell them that the secret word is…Mongooses.

SNOW JOB

You bet, Mongoose Commander! You know, ever since the government fired me and left me out in the 
cold, after all my years in service to them, it’s great to finally join an group of guys who know what America 
should be like…harsh weather conditions, living strictly off the land, no women, and laws dictated straight 
out of the bible, specifically the Book Of Job.

ZARTAN

That’s great Snow Job. Listen, I’d like you to head down to the Laundromat and let them know that we’re 
going to be sending our members down there for our uniforms…see if the owner might be interested in 
joining the Mongooses.

SNOW JOB

You bet, Mongoose Commander. MONGOOOOOSE!

Snow Job exits.

ZARTAN

(lifts up helmet, revealing to the audience that it’s really Zartan.) Wow, this is too easy. Too bad it 
didn’t work for Cobra Commander in the White House. Can’t believe Commander gave it all up. I can’t 
believe he sold all his stock, just so he and Scarlet could get out of DC and move to where no one could 
find them. It was sure nice of him to give me half just to start up this new hate group in this snowy location! 
He gave me all his dirty secrets too, and told me I could do whatever I wanted with the Mongooses. What a 
guy! (puts helmet back on) And that’s how Zartan became the secret leader of the Mongooses! 
MONGOOOOSE!

Three cast members break in; it’s MEMBER 1, MEMBER 2, MEMBER 3 of SEAL TEAM SIX! They are all wearing ski masks.

MEMBER 1

Move it! Move it!

MEMBER 2

I see the target!

Member 3 shoots Zartan, who falls down, dead.

MEMBER 2

Area is secure and target is down, repeat target is down.

SNOW JOB walks in.

SNOW JOB

Mongoose Commander, which way is the…oh my gawd!

Member 3 walks over to Snow Job, but addresses the audience.

MEMBER 3

Oh hey, listen up. Make sure you wear reflective strips on your jacket. That way, nighttime drivers, and 
unmanned and fully armed drones, can see you on the road…or WHEREVER you’re at. And now you 
know.

Member 3 pulls off his ski mask to reveal:

JOE BIDEN

And knowing is half the battle.

Lights out, THE END.

============================================

Originally: it was Cobra Commander, and not Zartan. I think a few people at the first reading thought it was a downer, I don't remember. I wanted to have some impact. But I also wanted people to have a laugh (someone getting killed is NOT really a good laugh, I know) and here 1. C.Commander and Scarlet were able to patch things up offstage and live happily ever after somewhere, according to Zartan 2. C.Commander (accidentally?) sets up Zartan to take the fall.

That's devious, but only if that were something he could plan or be aware of, of course.

But the purpose with C.Commander was to show that the cycle began anew.

And then Joe Biden got his revenge.

THE END

OH, check this: Chad W of NMT suggested that I make GI Joe datafile cards for all the world leaders and political figures depicted in the play. We'd flash the card (you know, the bio of the characters on the back of their action figure's packaging?) via projector behind the actors, and you could read, GI Joe style, about Vladimir Putin or Ahmed Chalabi. There'd just be a picture, their name, an occupation, and a few points, like "dictator of Syria" and "kind of a dick."

I thought that would have been a lot of fun to make. And we could do the cast bios the same way in the program. Oh well!

Here's a thank you list for people who provided me with info, ideas, and the best feedback that resulted in positive changes in the script: Cpl. Andrew Sichling, USMC; Chris Basil, Sean Harklerode, & Laura Coleman. Thanks guys and girl!

Yay! Also thanks to Sam Brown & Meagan Dennis for orchestrating and executing Scene 9 in the live reading, and to all the actors who did the table read and the live reading!

YAY! IT'S OVER!