CITIZEN COBRA - scene 2

Here's the 2nd scene of Citizen Cobra. A whole new setting. Character list and then the scene itself after the jump, with notes at the end.

COBRA COMMANDER - leader of Cobra.

DESTRO - weapons manufacturer, Mars corporation

BARONESS - nobility from some European country, intelligence gathering for Cobra

XAMOT - lawyer/banker for Cobra, brother to Tomax

TOMAX - lawyer/banker for Cobra, brother to Xamot

ZARANA - mistress of disguise, sister to Zartan

STORM SHADOW - Cobra ninja assassin

ZARTAN - Master Of Disguise, Cobra spy

Scene 2

We’re in Cobra ‘s HQ. Present are: COBRA COMMANDER, DESTRO, BARONESS, XAMOT, TOMAX, ZARANA (holding a large seashell), STORM SHADOW. Cobra Commander is holding court, sitting in a chair with Cobra symbols. He has a poster on an easel; the poster is a bad drawing of a laser cannon shooting at the moon, with his image on the moon.

COBRA COMMANDER

Darknesssss. For too long hassss anyone asssssumed that there’ll be a ssssaving gracccce in the morning
light. Sssssoon they will awake in a never-ending nightmare where there issss no light, not until they pledge
allegiancccce…to usssss.

lights up on Destro &  Baroness

COBRA COMMANDER

With the help of The Baronesssss, the wealthy European arisssstocrat and an expert in
intelligenccce gathering, and Desssstro, my right hand man and weaponssss developer…

Lights down on Destro & Baroness; lights up on Xamot and Tomax

COBRA COMMANDER

…along with the Crimson twinsss Xamot, and Tomax, the businessssmen who fund our plansss and
launder our money into legal, but evil enterprisesss for Cobra, a ruthlessss terrorissst organization bent
on ruling the world, we will finally do ssssso.

Lights out on everyone.

COBRA COMMANDER

When we ssssstrike, we will engulf this planet in a pyramid of darknesssss. No power until they beg for
MY power…with their livesss. And every night, when they look up for ssssalvation in the only light they
can get without my permissssssion, they’ll sssstill sssssee me-

Lights up on Cobra Commander. He’s sitting in his throne, and is using a pointer to point at a poorly drawn 'plan 'of a giant laser shooting at the moon, with his face on the moon.

COBRA COMMANDER

Cobra Commander! When I’ve burned my image…on the face of the moon!

Rest of lights on cast are up. Zarana & Storm Shadow are all present and illuminated as well. The following exchange should represent the usual melodramatic grandstanding bickering as heard on the show:

DESTRO

My dear Cobra Commander, YOU’LL never get it to work!

BARONESS

Once again you are wasting our time with your ridiculous plans!

COBRA COMMANDER

Foolssss! Had you been able to keep G.I. Joe at bay, I would be ruler…of the world!

XAMOT

If you listened to US…

TOMAX

… the Joes would be dead by now.

COBRA COMMANDERS

Traitorssss!

STORM SHADOW

Traitors?

Storm Shadow walks over to Xamot & Tomax and grabs Tomax by the throat. Xamot acts as if he were the one being choked.

COBRA COMMANDER

You just wissssh to undermine me with your incompetenccccce! Where is your ssssense of loyalty...
to me? Cobra Commander!

TOMAX

Release my brother from your grip, Storm Shadow! No harm is coming to ME.

ZARANA

(meekly, but hoping she’d be noticed) I…I still have this conch shell with the mind control thing.

COBRA COMMANDER

If you FOOLS did what I say, the Joes would fall victim to our plans and-

Zartan enters, wearing the sombrero from the first scene. Cobra Commander flips out; as he’s speaking, he jumps up and hides behind his throne.

COBRA COMMANDER

We’ve been infiltrated! One of GI Joessss’ newesssst memberssss has entered the terrordome! Guardssss!

XAMOT

It’s clearly-

TOMAX

-Zartan-

XAMOT & TOMAX

In disguise.

COBRA COMMANDER

Nonsssenssss, you foolssss!  Retreeeeeeat!

Zartan removes the sombrero. Xamot, Tomax, Baroness, and Destro all roll their eyes and throw up their hands in frustration, as Cobra Commander is apparently the only one fooled by Zartan after all these years.

ZARTAN

Cobra Commander! It is I, Zartan! Master of disguises, and brother to…

Reaches over to Zarana who joins him.

ZARTAN

Uh…

ZARANA

Zarana.

ZARTAN

Right!

COBRA COMMANDER

Zartan! Ssssstill hiding behind your cheap disssssguisssessss!

ZARTAN

I have discovered some wonderful news! GI Joe has been…disbanded!

Everyone is shocked. Cobra Commander has made his way back to his throne, by the way.

BARONESS

Really?

STORM SHADOW

But…what of my revenge on Snake Eyes?

ZARTAN

The government cut their funding…GI Joe is no longer a threat…to COBRA!

COBRA COMMANDER

Thisssss issss great newssss!

ZARANA

Conch shell? Controls all men? Almost 50% of the population? I’m willing to share if you’ll just talk to me. 
Acknowledge me. Please.

ZARTAN

There are no plans to replace them with another specialized branch, at least not of that caliber and budget!

BARONESS

They are no longer in our way of world domination!

COBRA COMMANDER

COBRA! Now issss the time! Here is what we’re going to do! Desssstro!

DESTRO

Yes, my commander.

COBRA COMMANDER

I hear there’ssss quite a diamond mining trade in Africa. Get down there and see if you can terrorizzze the
localsss into finding the largessst diamond that will focussss a regular laser beam into one powerful enough
to carve the moon!

DESTRO

Yes, Commander! Maybe I create some pockets of resistance and uprisings and sell them my weapons!

Destro exits

COBRA COMMANDER

Baronessss!

BARONESS

Yes, Cobra Commander!

COBRA COMMANDER

We’ll need ssome of Europe’ss wealthiesst nationss financially backing usss when we build our ssssuper
laser death ray. Take a Cobra Rattler to whichever country you’re from and see if you can get them to
band together, maybe form a European Cobra Union. Check out Greece, Ssspain, and Italy firsssst.

BARONESS

I will do as you command! Cobraaaaa!

Baroness exits.

COBRA COMMANDER

Xamot! Tomax! You have always been the financial and legal backbone for Cobra! Take our ssssecret
holdingsss and find some ssscientific companiesss to invesssst Cobra into…sssso that we can legally
overtake them, and forcccce them to develop giant laser death raysss!

XAMOT

(bows) We will do…….(bows again) We will do…….I said, “We will do” (hits Tomax on the shoulder)

TOMAX

Fine. “As you command.”

Xamot and Tomax leave.

COBRA COMMANDER

ZARTAN! My deadly but untrustworthy masssster of dissssguissse! Ressearch ssscientisssts are known
for taking long vacationsss in Sssssouth America, usually with their sssingle daughtersss. Get down to
Brazil and flashhhh a lot of money around to draw them out. Then, kidnap their daughtersss and
blackmail the scientissstsss to develop our laserssss for us!

ZARTAN

Ah! With the Joes now out of the way and unavailable to rescue the single daughters of vacationing
laser scientists, we can’t possibly lose! Si, Senor! (puts on his sombrero.)

COBRA COMMANDER

Ah! A member of GI Joe! Guardssss!

Zartan removes the sombrero.

COBRA COMMANDER

Well don’t just sssstand there, Zartan! Get going!

Zartan exits.

COBRA COMMANDER

Zarana!

ZARANA

(upbeat! Someone has noticed her!) Ooh! Control all men with a conch shell! I’m on it!

COBRA COMMANDER

(cutting her off) No. Just gather up all the Dreadnokss and shhhhip them back to Aussstralia.
Tell them to ssssstart a rock n roll band ssssso that their musssssic can contain ssssubliminal
Cobra commands. Whatever. Jussssst get them out of here.

ZARANA

Uh, you want me to bring them back when they’ve made music-

COBRA COMMANDER

No! Jusssst go!

Zarana leaves

COBRA COMMANDER

Ssssstorm Shhhadow!

STORM SHADOW

I will make my way to my native Japan and-

COBRA COMMANDER

Later. For now, find that member of G.I. Joe who infiltrated the terrordome! COBRAAAA!

Lights out.

===========================

This scene experienced a lot of changes. DR. MINDBENDER was on stage, just standing there looking sad.  The mood was also a tad different. There was also a lengthy sequence where Commander thought Destro was from South Africa, due to his guttural accent. This is my own misinterpretation from watching the show. I never knew Destro was SCOTTISH until I saw the live action movie, and went back and looked it up. Sure enough, he and Scarlet are even distant cousins. Why did I think he was from South Africa? Probably because of Apartheid in the 80's. I didn't know what Scottish accents sounded like, but I probably thought they were more British-sounding, and let's face it: if it's the 80's and you're thinking bad guys, PW Botha should be on the list. ANYWAY, my good pal Sean H said I should rewrite it because, worded the way it was, it might seem racist. WHA?!? Really? I looked at it and sure enough, just ONE preposition could give the sentence a whole different meaning and be taken way differently than I ever intended. So I just cut the whole dialogue. There was a lot more backtalk during this bit but I cut it and kept it as straightforward, dramatic bickering (like they do in the show) as I could.

Dr. Mindbender had NO lines, he was just sniffling in the corner and looking sad. I have to cut characters because the actors will be changing enough during this show. One actor, during the reading, said he didn't know of anyone who would shave their head and say almost no lines just for this gag. I know one: me. But yeah, here's there just for one gag that won't make sense until many scenes later, and if I cut him, that gag will still work. So I cut him.

Storm Shadow is in only one other scene in this script. I still have to economize, and I realized very recently that I could have Lady Jaye appear in that scene instead (since I cut Flint from another future scene and put her in). I could rewrite his dialogue for her, and it would be much simpler (and shorter). However, I didn't get around to that before leaving the theater. Maybe I will later, just to give her more to do while cutting the Storm Shadow character, but when that scene rolls around I'll explain.

I'm pretty sure that most of the plots mentioned here and in the 1st scene are directly from the cartoon show.

I've tried to be far more aware of how female characters are treated in these things. Someone mentioned that there weren't enough women in Scott Janus, and I didn't have a lot of time to introduce a new female character or two and give them stage time without lengthening the already 50-something page script, so I just changed the gender of one of the characters. There are ONLY six female characters in GI Joe (that have their own action figures), like I said in the last scene I am only using four. I am not sure if I am giving Zarana enough to do, but (comedy alert) I thought it'd be funny if she had the conch-shell-that-controls-all-men and nobody still gave her the time of day. That the poor woman would be perpetually ignored.

I'm not sure exactly what country Baroness is from. I'm thinking Italy.